Hi, I’m a Doorman

Whenever I leave my room, go to class, travel, or wander around, I always look back to see if anyone is behind me as I walk through a door. If there are people, it seems all too easy to hold the door and let them pass. It requires hardly any energy and the loss of time is something that can easily be overcome with a brisk stroll or a light jog. It seems like a nice thing that I am capable of doing for people and so I do it. Yet it confuses me how people continue to react to my door holding.

After I held the door open for her and we were walking back to our dorms, a friend once told me how much she appreciated my holding the door for her and how she was disappointed in our other class mates who “never say thank you” to me. I was thankful but up until that point I never really noticed or cared what people said. It was only after that conversation that I began to make note of people who did and did not say thank you. Even then, it was never something I made a judgment on.

Last year, there was another girl in my dorm who I begin to notice because whenever she saw me, she smiled. I was and still am nervous around women and so I never was able to really talk to her. I didn’t understand why she seemed to react to me. On the Halloween of that year she and her friends dropped by my room and asked if any of my roommates wanted to join their group and go to a party, on a whim I decided to go along. I thanked the group for letting me come along since I wasn’t as popular as my roommates. The smiling girl immediately responded “no not at all Weston, I mean you’re so nice! Always saying hi to people and holding doors for people. Far as I’m concerned you’re the coolest guy in the bro quad.” I was surprised, happy, and at a loss of words at this needless to say.

Don’t get me wrong, I do consider myself to be a nice person and I want that quality to be noticed by attractive girls but I didn’t feel like I did anything deserving of such praise. I just don’t feel that actions so small and ordinary are worthy of recognition. Her admiration would make more sense to me if I was already friends with the girl or if the opportune moment came where I was really able to do something for her.

Holding doors for people is just such a small and habitual expenditure for me; I don’t see how it could merit attention. Sometimes I hold a door for a person with crutches, someone who is carrying something, or sometimes I start walking away and then notice I didn’t see someone behind me and run back to open the door for people. These are cases where I’m really helping someone or going out of my way for people because I really feel that I should.

I always felt that my habit of holding doors was natural and that many people do it but since people have pointed out my habit, I have noticed that I am one of the few who is willing to hold a door open until thirty people leave a room before I feel my work is done. I still feel that my habit is natural and I don’t hold others to my standard. As far as door holding is concerned, I don’t even think my higher standards make me better than others. All this attention makes me wonder where I picked up my habit in the first place and to this day I still don’t remember where.

Despite my questions surrounding my habit, I have chosen to stop thinking about it because I consider it to be simple task. I never know how to properly react to those who pass through a door I’m holding open or those who say thank you. Can I look at them, should I look down, what do I say as they thank me? I always thank those who thank me for doing what is ordinary and ask myself these questions.

Door holding is a nice action but I never quite understood what people saw in my doing it. Logically, I would assume that my lack of understanding is part of the kindness in my habit. I’m doing something just because I believe it is nice and I don’t expect anything from it since I consider it to be something people should expect from others. After writing this out I can only imagine what people must think as I thank them for thanking me for holding a door for them. I still don’t understand it on a personal level but I suppose I can accept that.